Happy Valentine’s Day! Or, as one friend told me today, “Happy Singles Awareness Day, or S.A.D.” I don’t really like that last one, though, because being single is not such a sad thing. You are lonely at times, yes, but there are special benefits and opportunities in singleness that you really don’t have when you are married (or dating or engaged, etc.).
It’s funny that God seems to have been speaking to me about singleness the past week or two. Part of it is a carryover from how God met me at a recent conference in Asia, and part of it something fresh. Most of it, however, is just starting to really understand what Paul was saying in 1 Corinthians 7.
"One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord."
(1 Cor. 7:32-35 NAS95, emphasis added)
People have often talked about the “gift of singleness.” Sometimes when people say this, they are referring to the idea of a God-given temperament or “gift” that allows someone to live a fulfilling, celibate life. That is one definition, but I am thinking about a broader definition: that state of romantic unattachment which a follower of Christ finds him or herself in for an indefinite period of time (for whatever reason). The person in our second definition may have no specific “call” to be single in the short or long term—it’s just that they haven’t found their life partner yet, or circumstances have forced them to choose otherwise. What I refer to as the “gift of singleness” definitely falls in the second category.
Being single is a gift. No really, it is! But up to this point in my life, I don’t think I’ve really opened up the gift and started to get excited about it. Imagine a child getting a present on their birthday, looking at it for months without opening it, and then wondering why their Daddy gave them such a bum birthday present! I have been pouty with God on and off because I would get lonely, have unfulfilled desires, want to have some romantic fun, or just because I felt like I was missing out on something special that other friends have. All these attitudes reveal that I missed the essence of the gift, and am only looking at the fading wrapping paper!
The real gift of singleness is about devotion to God. You can’t really get excited about being single unless you’re excited about God—the reason I‘m excited about it right now is because I’m excited about God! Paul says it is for our benefit, to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. The gift is that you are at a time in life where God is totally able to mold you and shape you without distraction. You have fewer demands on your time and life; fewer responsibilities with caring for other people. More than any other time in life, you can maximize your time alone with your God and seek intimacy with Him. In greater measure than ever before, you are able to focus your energy on becoming holy in both body and spirit. You can, more than a married person can rightly do, discipline your lifestyle to focus on pleasing the Lord exclusively.
Do you see the caveat to the gift here? You’re not going to enjoy singleness unless you learn to enjoy God. Period. Singleness (or marriage actually, for that matter) can easily be viewed as a curse if it is not in the context of a life of enjoyment of God. There are struggles in any life circumstance: single, married, living with parents, etc., but they all boil back to how you are relating to God.
Let me state it one last way: God is the gift of singleness. Take off the wrapping paper. Open the gift. My guess is that intimacy and a life toward “undistracted devotion” is inside. Use the gift!
