In my life, it seems there have been many times of near-total brokenness. Not long ago, I was in such a state. When I am broken, I experience an emotion of utter helplessness. I feel so completely alone, so totally in need, so decidedly confused about almost everything. Brokenness can become a deep valley with seemingly no way out.
I have become convinced, though, that God allows these times of brokenness because He wants us to go deeper with Him…He wants to reveal to us more of who He is.
Consider Job in the Old Testament. He was put through the severest trial I have ever read or heard of, yet he remained faithful to God. He also came out of the experience with a much more personal and meaningful knowledge of the Almighty One than he originally had at the beginning of the book. Consider his statement near the end of the book, “my ears had heard of You, but now my eyes have seen you.” (Job 42:5) Tell me, is that kind of knowledge not worth a very great trial?
There is a subtle caveat, though, in this brokenness. There is a fine line between brokenness and self-pity. Brokenness is generally a positive thing the end of which allows God to bring us closer to Himself. Self-pity, however, is a destructive surrender to the flesh. Faithful Job was chided by God at one point in the narrative. His sin was not for being broken, but I think for being self-focused and indulging in self-pity.
Several months ago I was at this place of being totally broken before God…I was an emotional wreck—oppressed, crying, on the verge of weeping. I was experiencing utter loneliness and confusion. At some point while I was crying out to God in this state, He showed me I had a choice. He showed me that to stay where I was for any longer would be self-pity. The alternative to this self-pity was Worship. Worship? What? I did not feel like worshipping Him, not in the least! By His grace, somehow, though, I was gently led to meditate on His greatness. I was slow at first to worship, I was fighting with my desire to indulge in self-pity. Eventually, though, as I entered into complete worship of Him, His peace overwhelmed me and lifted me out of my brokenness.
Job’s affliction lasted for an agonizing 37 chapters…it is painful to read them, I have trouble imagining what it was like to live through them! Note what changed Job’s lot—it wasn’t the restoration of what he had lost or the addition of something he wanted. His attitude changed when He became overwhelmed with the greatness of God. That is worship!
Pain is so deep and grief so real, that I will not simply tell you get over your self and start worshipping God… there is real brokenness that God allows in our lives, and it is nothing trivial. However, let me encourage you to evaluate your brokenness—it if is not bringing you closer to God, perhaps you are slipping into self-pity and it is time to for a healthy dose of Worship towards your heavenly Father. Never forget that He is in control and He loves you more than you can ever understand.
