On standards we can't keep

"I have disappointed and failed to live up to the standard I expected of myself," the first-term governor told a packed press conference at his Manhattan office. "I must now dedicate some time to regain the trust of my family," he added, as his wife of two decades, Silda, stood by his side.

–Words of Eliot Spitzer, Governor of New York State, alluding to allegations of illegal involvement with a prostitution ring. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7288540.stm

How many times do we disappoint and fail to live up to the standards we expect for ourselves? That is perhaps the key thing that defines fallen man. Fallen man is not defined by the fact that he no longer knows right from wrong. His problem is that he knows right from wrong, but is hopelessly unable to walk in it. Everyone—atheist, Christian, or heathen alike—all set some sort of standard for themselves concerning the way they think they ought to live! The ironic thing is that people break the very standards they themselves create! I am not speaking here of God’s laws and perfect holiness which we obviously far fall short of, but something more simple—those artificial standards of righteousness we set up for ourselves.

From the mom who says she should never yell at her kids (and then does anyways) to the husband who says that he should always be patient with his wife (and then loses it), to the kid who has always said cheating was wrong (and then looks at his friend’s paper), to the governor who spouts the need for integrity….need I go on? I mean, really, if you yourself can’t think of a single circumstance of duplicity in your own life, then perhaps your thinker is out of order. We all do it on different levels in various circumstances.

What is the natural response when we find ourselves in a position where we have violated what we understand to be right? Well usually, the place I want to start is blame—I blame my circumstances, or the people who have influenced me, the helps that had been denied me, or the pressures that surround me! Sometimes (and this one can even look responsible), I blame my own weakness. That way at least it looks like I am facing up to my errors! In reality, though, I am simply hiding behind my humanity as an excuse for my shortcomings.

Another natural response is simply a sudden shift in standards. “Oh, well, I thought that was wrong before, but now because I have done it, and found so much pleasure in it—well…it can’t be wrong because it felt so right! Wow, I was so inhibited!” We have just justified something we knew was wrong. Maybe we’ll feel guilty about it for a while, but eventually it will begin to feel like normal behavior.

May I submit that this human behavior pattern of violating what we know to be right is a universal indication that mankind is broken? We are fallen people. We know what we ought to do and yet don’t do it! It is not complicated! It is just that we are broken! Men and women will face judgment primarily on the basis of this reality—their constant falling short of the standard they know to be right. In fact, we in essence judge ourselves. We know what is right, yet screw it up.

You get the picture here? The good news is this: God sent a Savior, Jesus. He fixes things. In fact, He fixes broken people. All who trust in Him, acknowledging that they have failed and need fixing get a special gift: they are no longer judged the way they deserve to be judged, and they receive new power that grows them toward actually living the way they ought to live.

Learn from our poor governor—learn from me—it’s impossible for you to live up to the standard you expect from yourself. If you think you are actually doing it, you probably are just blind to the duplicity of pride that permeates your existence.

Be honest about your shortcomings and look to the Savior for his forgiveness and help. It’s never too late and never to early to repent. It’s the sweetest gift you’ll ever receive, and it’s a gift you will have to keep tapping over and over again.

The gift of singleness...

Happy Valentine’s Day! Or, as one friend told me today, “Happy Singles Awareness Day, or S.A.D.” I don’t really like that last one, though, because being single is not such a sad thing. You are lonely at times, yes, but there are special benefits and opportunities in singleness that you really don’t have when you are married (or dating or engaged, etc.).

It’s funny that God seems to have been speaking to me about singleness the past week or two. Part of it is a carryover from how God met me at a recent conference in Asia, and part of it something fresh. Most of it, however, is just starting to really understand what Paul was saying in 1 Corinthians 7.

"One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord."

(1 Cor. 7:32-35 NAS95, emphasis added)

People have often talked about the “gift of singleness.” Sometimes when people say this, they are referring to the idea of a God-given temperament or “gift” that allows someone to live a fulfilling, celibate life. That is one definition, but I am thinking about a broader definition: that state of romantic unattachment which a follower of Christ finds him or herself in for an indefinite period of time (for whatever reason). The person in our second definition may have no specific “call” to be single in the short or long term—it’s just that they haven’t found their life partner yet, or circumstances have forced them to choose otherwise. What I refer to as the “gift of singleness” definitely falls in the second category.

Being single is a gift. No really, it is! But up to this point in my life, I don’t think I’ve really opened up the gift and started to get excited about it. Imagine a child getting a present on their birthday, looking at it for months without opening it, and then wondering why their Daddy gave them such a bum birthday present! I have been pouty with God on and off because I would get lonely, have unfulfilled desires, want to have some romantic fun, or just because I felt like I was missing out on something special that other friends have. All these attitudes reveal that I missed the essence of the gift, and am only looking at the fading wrapping paper!

The real gift of singleness is about devotion to God. You can’t really get excited about being single unless you’re excited about God—the reason I‘m excited about it right now is because I’m excited about God! Paul says it is for our benefit, to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. The gift is that you are at a time in life where God is totally able to mold you and shape you without distraction. You have fewer demands on your time and life; fewer responsibilities with caring for other people. More than any other time in life, you can maximize your time alone with your God and seek intimacy with Him. In greater measure than ever before, you are able to focus your energy on becoming holy in both body and spirit. You can, more than a married person can rightly do, discipline your lifestyle to focus on pleasing the Lord exclusively.

Do you see the caveat to the gift here? You’re not going to enjoy singleness unless you learn to enjoy God. Period. Singleness (or marriage actually, for that matter) can easily be viewed as a curse if it is not in the context of a life of enjoyment of God. There are struggles in any life circumstance: single, married, living with parents, etc., but they all boil back to how you are relating to God.

Let me state it one last way: God is the gift of singleness. Take off the wrapping paper. Open the gift. My guess is that intimacy and a life toward “undistracted devotion” is inside. Use the gift!

A psalm of petition for a pure heart

In the LORD I will trust, He is my Rock
From day to day and year to year, He remains the same
He is faithful—His character is fixed, His nature does not change

But who am I, oh Lord my God?
I am weak and flawed. I am unable to seek You as I ought
My passions drift from day to day, my affection oft grows cold

You teach me new things, year by year—I understand You more
You show me new depths of wisdom, grace, and love
Yet I wander, loose my bearing, loose sight of my Fixed Star

In what a terrible state I am found—
Desires and passions for worldly things, apathy, and pride
These things compete with You and simply do not die

What feeble service to you I offer—heart divided, soul straying
So often distracted in thought, or youth wasted—
You are worthy of much more than this

To seek You with all my heart, to have You as my single passion
Not divided, not in part, but a whole person full of worship
For this state of rest my spirit cries out!

Forgive my wanderings, my foolish passion!
I repent of inferior affections, of my childlike distractions!
Cleanse me from the inside out—restore my soul to You!

You have changed, in the past, my heart of stone to flesh
You knew me then, and I learned of You
Your law of love began to work upon my life

Work again upon my heart, and tweak its every passion
Redirect my thoughts, my mind, my plans—
Make not just tender flesh, but whole devotion!

The Lord alone is Worthy; He alone can save!
He has conquered, He has bought us with His blood
He alone can cleanse and change the heart within

In You and in Your power, Your grace and perfect love
In this my weak soul rests and trusts
Oh glorify Yourself in me!

For You I was created, for You I am redeemed
By Your grace I do now worship You
And I will love You day by day

On Repentance and Faith

First, repentance is about trusting, not willing. Yes, there is a choice involved, but if our motive is determined straining to please God, all our striving will be a pile of filthy rags. We can do nothing--absolutely nothing to make provision for our sin. In repentance we depend on God to turn water into wine. Trust in our act of repentance releases the gift of God's grace to transform our hope into reality.
--TrueFaced by Bill Thrall et. al, p.103

The book quoted above significantly changed my concept of repentance. I have never really seen repentance as an act of faith in itself. In the past, I have always considered repentance as a sort of agreeing with God about my sin: I would confess that I was wrong, express real and heartfelt remorse, and then tell God that I wanted to do better--that I was going to try to do better. True repentance, however, recognizes that I am hopelessly unable to fix my sin problem by trying. Repentance is actually a form of trust in God that He is going to perform the impossible and conqueror a specific sin. In many ways, it has very little to do with willing, but everything to do with trusting in His grace. Real repentance, the kind that actually causes a sin to cease, takes place when we are "true-faced" before God. We confess our inability and our enslavement to sin, and trust in His power to change us. What a freeing (and challenging) way to approach sin!

Syllabus Shock

I learned a new term last week: syllabus shock. I think it takes its place with some of the other great shocks of the world (i.e. culture shock, medical shock, shock and awe)...It is a feeling of disbelief at the realization that you expected to complete more than 2000 pages of intense reading in the next 3 months; a feeling of numbness as you think about typing something like 100 pages of reports and papers; a feeling of soreness, as you haul a 2-foot stack of books home from the bookstore and then realize that you are still missing at least 4. It is a feeling of depression as you realize that you will not have a social life in the next three months. It is also a feeling of excitement at the fact that you signed up to participate in a 40 minute debate; it is a feeling of anxiety as you think about how you are going to tackle an open-ended research project with your 2 teammates. Yes, this is syllabus shock.

I really don't mean to complain...shocks are also very stimulating...you get a certain buzz when you see an overview of whole bunch of really interesting material that you will get to explore in depth over the next few months. The two solutions I found that helped mitigate syllabus shock were:

1. Pray, casting your burden on the Lord, AND
2. Drop a class (choose life!)

I felt much better after each action. ;-) If anyone's interested, I'm now taking the following four classes:

• MIN5300: Foundations for Spiritual Development
• ICS5030: Understanding Cultures and Worldviews
• BIB5112: Genesis-Song of Solomon: God's Plan of Creation and Redemption
• THE6310: Systematic Theology 1

Simply Grace

As a young child, I was taught about a God who loved me and who sent His only Son, Jesus, to die in my place and to live inside me. The way it was explained to me then was that I needed to ask Jesus to “come into my heart” to forgive me and cleanse me from all the wrong things I had done. There was a definite moment in my childhood (probably near the age of five) when I remember “asking Jesus into my heart” and putting my trust in this loving God. I don’t remember much of what life was like before that point, but I do know that I was filled with joy and awe of Him as a young child—my mom and dad remind me of how I would make up songs about His love which I had been taught and experienced. I remember being very concerned for and wanting to share with my 1^st grade friend, Kelly, because I realized that she and her parents had not experienced God’s love the way I had.

Growing up, all through my teen years, I had a strong awareness that God was real, and was regularly challenged to give my entire life into His control. My parents took me to church every week and I also read the Bible on my own. I gained an incredible amount of knowledge about God and the ways He had worked in History. I wanted to please God and tried very hard to serve Him and be obedient to Him, but two problems remained consistently through my 20s: 1.) I doubted that I really was a child of God—that I was loved and accepted by Him and that, should I die, I would actually be welcomed into His presence and 2.) I always struggled to live the life that I knew would please Him; the life of godliness I had been taught and seen recorded in the Bible. I always came up short of being the perfect Christian I knew I should be.

Because I was working so hard to please God, I became very proud of my good behavior and would often look down on people who were not as “righteous” as me. I was completely blind to the fact that I was so arrogant, and actually impressed most church people as a very mature Christian.

It wasn’t until I was 24 that God became real to me in a whole new way. I began to really understand and accept that thing that Christians call Grace. In a small Bible study, I explored this topic with several other Christian friends. One night, all alone and in my bedroom, I was studying the story of the Prodigal Son. God showed me that He loved me no matter what I did, and that all I needed was to believe in His love for me—to trust Him that He did indeed love me as His own son. I was challenged to believe that no matter how many times I disappointed Him, wandered from Him, or did wrong things, He would not disown me as His child. I resisted this at first…it battled with my pride. My pride clung to the many things I did that proved and validated my love for God. I realized that to really trust God, I had to give up my sense of accomplishment in my own righteous life.

God’s grace was, however, irresistible to me when I really understood it. As I accepted His love for me, words do not describe the joy that took place in my heart. I was crying, weeping for joy as I realized His love. I experienced total peace, knowing that I was accepted and loved by the God who created the Universe.

Living in this love of God is the most freeing thing has ever happened to me. I have complete assurance in my heart that I am accepted by God and will someday live with Him forever. I am free of my sense of duty to be perfect to prove my love for God. I am learning how to not judge others—God is teaching me how to love them with the same love He has showed to me. I have new freedom to be open and honest about my own shortcomings. I don’t have to pretend that I am better than I am. The difficulties of life are still there, but I have real confidence, peace, and joy in the midst of struggles. As I learn to trust God with each aspect of who I am, He continues to grow me and change me from the inside out.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."
–Apostle Paul, The Bible, Ephesians 2:8-9 (NASB)

A mother's care and concern

So today at work at 9:15 AM, my phone rings. It is my Mom, quite upset and a little panic stricken... she didn't know where I was, thought I didn't come home last night (which would be unlike me), and was concerned that maybe I was laying unconscious in my car in a ditch somewhere. She had called my cell phone (twice) and left a message on my work voicemail (which I hadn't checked yet) and had called my friend I was hanging out with last night. Truth was, I came home after she went to bed, no one else noticed me slip in, and I left for work early at 6:00 (also unlike me) to fix a server. I didn't think to tell her, and my cell phone doesn't work in the server room, so all that makes for a very panic-stricken mom who is about ready to call the police and report me missing.

So, there is no moral to this story except that it's really nice... nice to know there are people in your life who care about you that much. It's a wonderful feeling to know you are loved.