Simply Grace

As a young child, I was taught about a God who loved me and who sent His only Son, Jesus, to die in my place and to live inside me. The way it was explained to me then was that I needed to ask Jesus to “come into my heart” to forgive me and cleanse me from all the wrong things I had done. There was a definite moment in my childhood (probably near the age of five) when I remember “asking Jesus into my heart” and putting my trust in this loving God. I don’t remember much of what life was like before that point, but I do know that I was filled with joy and awe of Him as a young child—my mom and dad remind me of how I would make up songs about His love which I had been taught and experienced. I remember being very concerned for and wanting to share with my 1^st grade friend, Kelly, because I realized that she and her parents had not experienced God’s love the way I had.

Growing up, all through my teen years, I had a strong awareness that God was real, and was regularly challenged to give my entire life into His control. My parents took me to church every week and I also read the Bible on my own. I gained an incredible amount of knowledge about God and the ways He had worked in History. I wanted to please God and tried very hard to serve Him and be obedient to Him, but two problems remained consistently through my 20s: 1.) I doubted that I really was a child of God—that I was loved and accepted by Him and that, should I die, I would actually be welcomed into His presence and 2.) I always struggled to live the life that I knew would please Him; the life of godliness I had been taught and seen recorded in the Bible. I always came up short of being the perfect Christian I knew I should be.

Because I was working so hard to please God, I became very proud of my good behavior and would often look down on people who were not as “righteous” as me. I was completely blind to the fact that I was so arrogant, and actually impressed most church people as a very mature Christian.

It wasn’t until I was 24 that God became real to me in a whole new way. I began to really understand and accept that thing that Christians call Grace. In a small Bible study, I explored this topic with several other Christian friends. One night, all alone and in my bedroom, I was studying the story of the Prodigal Son. God showed me that He loved me no matter what I did, and that all I needed was to believe in His love for me—to trust Him that He did indeed love me as His own son. I was challenged to believe that no matter how many times I disappointed Him, wandered from Him, or did wrong things, He would not disown me as His child. I resisted this at first…it battled with my pride. My pride clung to the many things I did that proved and validated my love for God. I realized that to really trust God, I had to give up my sense of accomplishment in my own righteous life.

God’s grace was, however, irresistible to me when I really understood it. As I accepted His love for me, words do not describe the joy that took place in my heart. I was crying, weeping for joy as I realized His love. I experienced total peace, knowing that I was accepted and loved by the God who created the Universe.

Living in this love of God is the most freeing thing has ever happened to me. I have complete assurance in my heart that I am accepted by God and will someday live with Him forever. I am free of my sense of duty to be perfect to prove my love for God. I am learning how to not judge others—God is teaching me how to love them with the same love He has showed to me. I have new freedom to be open and honest about my own shortcomings. I don’t have to pretend that I am better than I am. The difficulties of life are still there, but I have real confidence, peace, and joy in the midst of struggles. As I learn to trust God with each aspect of who I am, He continues to grow me and change me from the inside out.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."
–Apostle Paul, The Bible, Ephesians 2:8-9 (NASB)