A psalm of petition for a pure heart

In the LORD I will trust, He is my Rock
From day to day and year to year, He remains the same
He is faithful—His character is fixed, His nature does not change

But who am I, oh Lord my God?
I am weak and flawed. I am unable to seek You as I ought
My passions drift from day to day, my affection oft grows cold

You teach me new things, year by year—I understand You more
You show me new depths of wisdom, grace, and love
Yet I wander, loose my bearing, loose sight of my Fixed Star

In what a terrible state I am found—
Desires and passions for worldly things, apathy, and pride
These things compete with You and simply do not die

What feeble service to you I offer—heart divided, soul straying
So often distracted in thought, or youth wasted—
You are worthy of much more than this

To seek You with all my heart, to have You as my single passion
Not divided, not in part, but a whole person full of worship
For this state of rest my spirit cries out!

Forgive my wanderings, my foolish passion!
I repent of inferior affections, of my childlike distractions!
Cleanse me from the inside out—restore my soul to You!

You have changed, in the past, my heart of stone to flesh
You knew me then, and I learned of You
Your law of love began to work upon my life

Work again upon my heart, and tweak its every passion
Redirect my thoughts, my mind, my plans—
Make not just tender flesh, but whole devotion!

The Lord alone is Worthy; He alone can save!
He has conquered, He has bought us with His blood
He alone can cleanse and change the heart within

In You and in Your power, Your grace and perfect love
In this my weak soul rests and trusts
Oh glorify Yourself in me!

For You I was created, for You I am redeemed
By Your grace I do now worship You
And I will love You day by day

On Repentance and Faith

First, repentance is about trusting, not willing. Yes, there is a choice involved, but if our motive is determined straining to please God, all our striving will be a pile of filthy rags. We can do nothing--absolutely nothing to make provision for our sin. In repentance we depend on God to turn water into wine. Trust in our act of repentance releases the gift of God's grace to transform our hope into reality.
--TrueFaced by Bill Thrall et. al, p.103

The book quoted above significantly changed my concept of repentance. I have never really seen repentance as an act of faith in itself. In the past, I have always considered repentance as a sort of agreeing with God about my sin: I would confess that I was wrong, express real and heartfelt remorse, and then tell God that I wanted to do better--that I was going to try to do better. True repentance, however, recognizes that I am hopelessly unable to fix my sin problem by trying. Repentance is actually a form of trust in God that He is going to perform the impossible and conqueror a specific sin. In many ways, it has very little to do with willing, but everything to do with trusting in His grace. Real repentance, the kind that actually causes a sin to cease, takes place when we are "true-faced" before God. We confess our inability and our enslavement to sin, and trust in His power to change us. What a freeing (and challenging) way to approach sin!

Syllabus Shock

I learned a new term last week: syllabus shock. I think it takes its place with some of the other great shocks of the world (i.e. culture shock, medical shock, shock and awe)...It is a feeling of disbelief at the realization that you expected to complete more than 2000 pages of intense reading in the next 3 months; a feeling of numbness as you think about typing something like 100 pages of reports and papers; a feeling of soreness, as you haul a 2-foot stack of books home from the bookstore and then realize that you are still missing at least 4. It is a feeling of depression as you realize that you will not have a social life in the next three months. It is also a feeling of excitement at the fact that you signed up to participate in a 40 minute debate; it is a feeling of anxiety as you think about how you are going to tackle an open-ended research project with your 2 teammates. Yes, this is syllabus shock.

I really don't mean to complain...shocks are also very stimulating...you get a certain buzz when you see an overview of whole bunch of really interesting material that you will get to explore in depth over the next few months. The two solutions I found that helped mitigate syllabus shock were:

1. Pray, casting your burden on the Lord, AND
2. Drop a class (choose life!)

I felt much better after each action. ;-) If anyone's interested, I'm now taking the following four classes:

• MIN5300: Foundations for Spiritual Development
• ICS5030: Understanding Cultures and Worldviews
• BIB5112: Genesis-Song of Solomon: God's Plan of Creation and Redemption
• THE6310: Systematic Theology 1

Simply Grace

As a young child, I was taught about a God who loved me and who sent His only Son, Jesus, to die in my place and to live inside me. The way it was explained to me then was that I needed to ask Jesus to “come into my heart” to forgive me and cleanse me from all the wrong things I had done. There was a definite moment in my childhood (probably near the age of five) when I remember “asking Jesus into my heart” and putting my trust in this loving God. I don’t remember much of what life was like before that point, but I do know that I was filled with joy and awe of Him as a young child—my mom and dad remind me of how I would make up songs about His love which I had been taught and experienced. I remember being very concerned for and wanting to share with my 1^st grade friend, Kelly, because I realized that she and her parents had not experienced God’s love the way I had.

Growing up, all through my teen years, I had a strong awareness that God was real, and was regularly challenged to give my entire life into His control. My parents took me to church every week and I also read the Bible on my own. I gained an incredible amount of knowledge about God and the ways He had worked in History. I wanted to please God and tried very hard to serve Him and be obedient to Him, but two problems remained consistently through my 20s: 1.) I doubted that I really was a child of God—that I was loved and accepted by Him and that, should I die, I would actually be welcomed into His presence and 2.) I always struggled to live the life that I knew would please Him; the life of godliness I had been taught and seen recorded in the Bible. I always came up short of being the perfect Christian I knew I should be.

Because I was working so hard to please God, I became very proud of my good behavior and would often look down on people who were not as “righteous” as me. I was completely blind to the fact that I was so arrogant, and actually impressed most church people as a very mature Christian.

It wasn’t until I was 24 that God became real to me in a whole new way. I began to really understand and accept that thing that Christians call Grace. In a small Bible study, I explored this topic with several other Christian friends. One night, all alone and in my bedroom, I was studying the story of the Prodigal Son. God showed me that He loved me no matter what I did, and that all I needed was to believe in His love for me—to trust Him that He did indeed love me as His own son. I was challenged to believe that no matter how many times I disappointed Him, wandered from Him, or did wrong things, He would not disown me as His child. I resisted this at first…it battled with my pride. My pride clung to the many things I did that proved and validated my love for God. I realized that to really trust God, I had to give up my sense of accomplishment in my own righteous life.

God’s grace was, however, irresistible to me when I really understood it. As I accepted His love for me, words do not describe the joy that took place in my heart. I was crying, weeping for joy as I realized His love. I experienced total peace, knowing that I was accepted and loved by the God who created the Universe.

Living in this love of God is the most freeing thing has ever happened to me. I have complete assurance in my heart that I am accepted by God and will someday live with Him forever. I am free of my sense of duty to be perfect to prove my love for God. I am learning how to not judge others—God is teaching me how to love them with the same love He has showed to me. I have new freedom to be open and honest about my own shortcomings. I don’t have to pretend that I am better than I am. The difficulties of life are still there, but I have real confidence, peace, and joy in the midst of struggles. As I learn to trust God with each aspect of who I am, He continues to grow me and change me from the inside out.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."
–Apostle Paul, The Bible, Ephesians 2:8-9 (NASB)

A mother's care and concern

So today at work at 9:15 AM, my phone rings. It is my Mom, quite upset and a little panic stricken... she didn't know where I was, thought I didn't come home last night (which would be unlike me), and was concerned that maybe I was laying unconscious in my car in a ditch somewhere. She had called my cell phone (twice) and left a message on my work voicemail (which I hadn't checked yet) and had called my friend I was hanging out with last night. Truth was, I came home after she went to bed, no one else noticed me slip in, and I left for work early at 6:00 (also unlike me) to fix a server. I didn't think to tell her, and my cell phone doesn't work in the server room, so all that makes for a very panic-stricken mom who is about ready to call the police and report me missing.

So, there is no moral to this story except that it's really nice... nice to know there are people in your life who care about you that much. It's a wonderful feeling to know you are loved.

Spiritual Growth

Here's a great description of spiritual growth I just came across... be comforted if you've ever felt like you just took a step or two back in your spiritual growth...it does happen.

Spiritual growth is not instantaneous, it is a process. It is not what you have attained, but the direction in which you are headed. It is not upward, but onward. It has been described as being three steps forward and two steps backward. Our problem is that we want growth without the growing pains. Remember that suffering is one of the greatest tools that God has in His hand to perfect the image of Christ in us. In suffering we find out how much we need Jesus, and through that process, faith, obedience, and love are produced in our lives. Purifying is facilitated by heat; thus, God provides heat to purify our lives and to deepen our commitment to obedience.

There will be days when you will feel exactly like you felt before you experienced revival. Do not despair, but recognize that your spiritual growth is dependent on how you respond to those feelings and how quickly you run to the cross, humble yourself, cry out for God's grace and receive His forgiveness. You can be certain that the enemy will challenge the commitments you have made in revival. The only question is how you will choose to respond to the challenge.

Source: Life Action Ministries

What's important is the direction you're headed in now....today. If you're drifting aimlessly, fix your eyes (back) on Jesus and continue the journey.

More from Urbana

We live in a global world; therefore we need a global vision in order for Christianity to make sense in our worldview. If you view Christianity as essentially western and non-penetrating into other parts of the world, it will ultimately make you doubt the truth of Christianity itself. How can the message of the Gospel be universally true if it is not universally taking root all over the world? Therefore, the testimony from around the world that the church is growing and is strong is one of the most tangible modern-day proofs of the truth of the gospel we have in this current age.

This revelation has a been a powerful piece of my Urbana experience. Seeing the church in action around the world, and seeing by faith what God yet desires to accomplish through His church throughout the world immensely strengthened my faith/trust and joy in God. In addition to new excitement for the global church, it has strengthened my desire to see His kingdom come afresh here in the US, and in the lives my family, friends, and co-workers.

In short, you don’t have a very accurate picture of the church of Jesus Christ unless you have a global picture of the church….the really smart ones see that right in the Scripture where it says “this gospel shall be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come” (Matt 24:14). However, for slower ones, who don’t always get it so fast (like me), a jumpstart experience like Urbana can be immensely helpful in understanding God’s plan.

Urbana

Got back from the Urbana missions conference (www.urbana.org) in St. Louis earlier this week. It was awesome 5 days of worship with 22,000 other people seeking God and His heart for the world. The highlights of the conference for me were the times of worship, meeting new friends, and catching a picture of the Body of Christ that I had never seen before.

Throughout the week at Urbana, we studied the Book of Ephesians using inductive Bible studies and through the exposition of Ajith Fernando (from Sri Lanka). The diverseness of the Body of Christ impressed me in a new way… how we are so different (in culture, ethnicity, nationality, or gifting) but all called to operate interdependently as one Body where Christ is the head. I had never wrestled with the concept of reciprocasity that Pastor Oscar Muriu (Kenya) spoke of on Thursday night. It humbled me to realize how much I can learn from others who have different backgrounds than me or come from a different flavor of Christianity.

I also feel that God helped me understand and become excited about His church. I saw that the church is the tool he will use to bring peace and reconciliation to our world. In Ephesians 3:10, Paul explains that the church is the vehicle God will use to make Himself known to the world. The church has been given the authority to do this task! In our culture of individualism, it is an eye-opener to see how God wants to work through community, not through my individual efforts alone.

(When we discuss “church” here, let’s be clear that the church is the worldwide Body of Christ…everyone from everywhere who is trusting in Jesus and letting Him control the direction of their lives….it is not defined by any earthly denomination or membership.)

“The Gospel” too, took on deeper meaning for me at this conference. The “Good News” encompasses not only forgiveness of sins and eternal life with God, but is part of a bigger mission… the gospel we preach also includes the fact that Jesus is changing the world through the church…your invitation to accept Christ is also an invitation to join that mission. That connection had never been made in my head or heart before. It certainly may make a more relevant message to someone like your average college student who may be slow to understand his or her own need for God, but quick to understand the vast needs of a suffering world.

What an awesome God we serve, and oh how neat it is to be part of the beautiful global church that God is building to bring glory to Himself!


More of my pics here
Full coverage of the conference on the urbana website here