Longing to Belong

What is your niche? Have you found your niche in the Kingdom?  A niche is that place, group, or activity that feels right, where you know you belong.  I think everyone has this yearning for a sense of "belonging."   Do you feel like you belong in your church or family or other circles you might be part of?

There are perhaps different types of niches.  There is the type of belonging that says "I am accepted here, I am known here, these people know me fully (warts and all) and (yet) fully accept me! These people would give their life for me and I for them!"  This is real friendship, this is real community, real fellowship.  Paul used the Greek word koinonia in Philippians to describe this kind of bond he had with the Phillippian church.  Unfortunately, I think it is rare in many churches. It takes time and vulnerability to achieve.  People who live out this type of community live in an environment of real grace. I have experienced this at times in small group settings and in family.  People are really "family" in this group.  The words "brother" and "sister" take on real and deep meaning.  This is a beautiful thing.  Really it is a taste of heaven as the Holy Spirit invades and transforms our relationships here on earth.  

The second type of niche finding is that fruit-bearing niche.  Most of us also yearn to be able to say "I am being used!  I understand my gifts and they are being utilized! I see God doing things through me!"  Productivity-driven American culture often  elevates the importance of this niche over the previous one.  I often fall into "task-mode" or "vision-mode" and begin to rate myself based on this niche.  (Bad idea.)   This is an important niche, but it is not primary.  Fruit is important.  Reaching out to others (even reaching the whole world is important), but be cautious of how it becomes your focus. Measuring yourself by how well you perform will suck the life out of you and leave you feeling defeated.  This is not the New Covenant way. Also, you may go many years and not feel like you've found this niche.  It often takes time to understand how God has wired You and your fruit-bearing niche may not become clear for sometime.

There is another aspect to finding your Kingdom niche.  This is really the first and primary aspect.  I dare say that this niche is a precondition to any real sense of belonging in the Kingdom.  Sobering, too, is that I even forgot this most important niche when I began this entry.   Our primary place of belonging in the Kingdom is to belong to Jesus.  We have to understand and experience a continuing relationship to the King of the Kingdom. You and me: sons and daughters. We are seated with Jesus in heavenly realms. We are forgiven and covered by Jesus' own righteousness.  When the Holy Father looks at us, he sees the perfectness of His Son; he doesn't regard us in our sin or shortcomings. He yearns to walk with us.  He desires communion with us as a friend or even a lover.  

This is the primary niche that we as believers need to really understand.  Let it wash you again.  Fight to abide here in this place. This is life itself.   The Eternal God loves you and has opened up a place for you at his table and next to His throne.  If that's not a niche, if that's not a place to feel a sense of belonging, I'm not sure what is.

Remind of this, Lord, we know you have made a niche for us in Your family. We long to belong.  Help us as we seek out communion with you and help us to trust you with our other needs for feeling a place of belonging. 

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in his temple.
    (Psalm 27:4)

How many dimensions does preaching have?

I recently watched a video of Tim Keller sharing his views on biblical preaching. It really resonated with my soul. I don't believe Keller has written a book on this subject (at least not yet), but this video may be one of the best teachings I have heard to date on preaching. Other study I have done recently on preaching method has seemed rather one-dimensional and left me frustrated. (One-dimensional preaching = focusing almost exclusively on behavior change as the goal of preaching.) Keller is refreshingly multi-dimensional.

Keller suggests that biblical preaching needs to be: 1) Gospel-centered, 2) Christ-centered, 3) life changing on the spot, and 4) culturally transforming. Each one of these really hits a vibe with me. Preaching needs to proclaim the true Gospel (not moralism/behavior change), show how Christ is the theme of all of Scripture and exalt Him above all, aim for supernatural heart change on the spot, and aim to effect cultural change by truly understanding and engaging the cultural viewpoints of the listeners. I like his thoughts, I like the order they are put in, and I like the depth with which he elaborates!

Have a listen if you're interested:

Tim Keller Feb'09: Preaching the Gospel from Newfrontiers on Vimeo.

Leading is all about following

"Follow me"

A quick search reveals that Jesus uses the phrase 20 times in the gospels. This was Jesus' call to Peter and Andrew the fishermen, to Philip, and also the call to Matthew the tax collector.  The same call to the rich young ruler proved ineffectual because the wealthy lad could not give up what he valued,  "Sell all that you have and follow me."  Follow me--so simple, yet so difficult for those endowed with much of anything. 

Perhaps the greatest quality of any true spiritual leader is this one quality: being a follower.  Not a follower of a specific church leader or of a certain philosophy of life. Not a follower of a particular religion.  Not a follower of a rule of life, a specific group of teachings, or a series of principles.  The call is a call from a Man to follow Him.   "Follow me."

Simple, yes? Yet so difficult.  Jesus knew that His way was the way of a cross. Thus our invitation to follow is paired with cross-bearing.  "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."   The simple follow me is inseparably linked with take up your cross.

This, then, is the way of the Kingdom.  All Kingdom leaders are expert followers.   The greatest is the servant of all.  Jesus turns on its head every worldly paradigm and shatters every humanly normal way of looking at things.  The paradox is shockingly fresh and beautiful.

Do I want to be a follower of Jesus?  Yes! Of course I do!  Yet sometimes--No, no thank you!   There is no greater calling and no greater joy than to be following Him.  Yet sometimes still I want to be like the rich young ruler and cling to the prestige and security which I have inherited or can build in my own strength. But one cannot truly follow Him and avoid the way of the cross.

Thanks be to God for His gift of grace and promise to complete the work He has begun.  Help us, Lord to be faithful in following You.   Plant in our hearts a desire to follow You that is stronger than our desire to lead others. Amen.

Is leadership over-hyped?

Is the concept of leadership over-hyped? Over my past 4 years in a ministry training environment, that's a question I've asked myself and a skepticism I've put to many different of my thinking friends. My question is asked sincerely but also out of a sense of frustration. On the one hand, I know I'm called to follow God in such a way that I will also be leading others. Yet on the other hand, I have trouble identifying with a lot of what spoken of, exemplified, and taught in the name of "leadership."  The corporate world gives us the CEO example, the mega church gives us a super-pastor model, the para-church gives us the disciplined, respected, popular leader. I don't identify with any of them.  Honestly, I wonder how much Jesus or the disciples would have identified with these models.

Some of my friends are specifically and passionately pursing a "leadership" calling on their life and in some cases have done extensive reading on understanding how to be a leader. In my church, we often talk about "leadership gifts". We, the American church, have many different "leadership" conferences, summits, and seminars that are designed to take on "leadership" issues. There are a plethora of both sacred and secular books on how to be an effective leader. In spite of all this the church as a whole seems to have a dearth of good leaders. Many church leaders and well-known Christians say things like "the church needs more leaders!" or "there is a lack of leadership in the church!" I don't necessarily disagree. But I do wonder. Sometimes I wonder things like, "Are church spokespeople missing a bigger and simpler mandate than leadership? Are we elevating a secondary topic to a first place position? Are we over-complicating this?"

Jesus instructed his followers to do many things. Perhaps highest on the list were the verbs believe, love, abide, serve, and feed (i.e. Jn 3, 13, 15, 21:15-19). I propose that these verbs point to a main mandate to become spiritually mature in Jesus. As people of God, we are called to receive His grace and live it out. We are continually called to new and deepening levels of this receiving and living. I further propose that spiritual leadership comes almost naturally as an out flow of this kind of maturity in Christ.

I wonder sometimes if our approach to training leaders is akin to teaching a caterpillar to fly. Caterpillars as caterpillars are not equipped to fly. But, fly they will once their maker transforms them. Growing up and waiting are the key things for the caterpillar to work on, not flutter techniques. Perhaps those who assist the caterpillar should just be satisfied that the caterpillar will one day burst into flight. This is a simplification of course. I do in fact believe that there are learned leadership skills and techniques that are helpful. Yet it seems to me that 95% of spiritual leadership is simply spiritual maturity.  If believers and church leaders would focus primarily on growing deep in Christ, good leadership will emerge with vitality.

Show me someone who's body, mind, emotions, spirit, and relationships have been transformed by the Holy Spirit, and I will show you someone who is a good leader.  I would further wager that the biggest hindrance in my own leadership is not that I don't know what to do or how to do it. Rather, it stems a lack of maturity in several areas where God continues His work.  I need more of His love flowing through me, a deeper understanding of his abiding presence and father-love, a transforming desire from Him to serve, an excitement of being vulnerable in community, and a compassion to feed and shepherd!

Real leadership is excellent and we need it in our churches, yet I can't help but think that maturity in Christ is the platinum commodity.  What do you think?

The Clue Hunt

Friday, April 30, ~ 6:00 pm. Alissa was expecting her boyfriend to arrive from out of state. Instead, a dozen Roses, a sealed envelope (clue #1), and a keyed box (clue #3) are delivered by Kim to Alissa’s house (Bama & Papa’s). The clue is to call Bre and get her help in opening the box.

Clue #1:

A wildflower or a rose, which one do you propose?

Like you, a wildflower is pretty yet much untamed,
Each bouquet—full of color, unique, far from same.

A rose, so formal, implies distinction.
Like you it’s special, beautiful, exquisite, and expensive.

A wildflower, though, seems most natural
It fits your attitude, your cadence, and your fashion.

Still others say that roses, “they are more impressive.”
Those thorny plants insinuate more—connection?

A boyfriend’s dilemma to be sure!
But at least when in love… maybe I should ….
Choose the rose?


Dear wildflower,

You are more special than all the wildflowers OR roses the world over. These are just a reminder of that simple fact. I’m actually not going to be in town tonight . But, I will see you tomorrow. There’s a few things you need to do tonight to get ready for tomorrow, though. The necessary instructions are in the locked container.

The person who will help you open that box is someone whom you know.
You say she’s good at organizing things at home and even in your abode.
This isn’t difficult, in fact I think I’ve already given it all away.
Just pick up the phone and call a friend whose last name begins with K.

Friday, April 30, ~ 6:10 pm. Bre answers phone and (eventually) discloses that she has the next clue and will bring it over to Alissa’s house.

Friday, April 30, ~ 6:30 pm. Bre arrives at Alissa’s house with an envelope (clue #2). It contains the following note with a key enclosed that fits the lock on the box already delivered (clue #3).

Clue #2:

Dearest friend,

Here is a key. I think of 3 things when I look at this key:

1) God has given you a key. You seem to have a key to unlock certain things in me that no one else can. You bring out aspects of fun, wildness, faith, and passion for life that no one else to this point has seemed able to release. You increase my desire to walk in holy obedience to God’s Spirit, and your example challenges me to be more the kind of man I want to be.

2) Second, I am giving you a key. I have been and am still choosing to yield to you another key—the key to my heart. You get this key because I trust you. I am willing to entrust you with access the deepest places of vulnerability, more than anyone else has. To you I open the craziest musings, the ugliest struggles, and the most sacred blessings. You, dear friend, are given access to walk and browse in all these places.

3) Lastly, you have been giving me a key. The greatest blessing I have experienced in our relationship is you, opening yourself to me. You have allowed me to begin to unlock your heart in a way that fills me with joy. You have chosen vulnerability over fear or protectiveness. You have chosen—in spite of my own struggles at times to walk in grace—to trust me with an unmasked view of who you are and who you desire to become.

Keys, then, are important. This one, though, will just open the next clue. Maybe Bre can help you figure out and complete the next step. Have fun with it.

I love you.
Matt

KEY ENCLOSED IN THIS ENVELOPE.

Friday, April 30, 6:40 pm. Alissa and Bre open the box in question (clue #3). It has chocolates, etc., and an envelope with the poem below:

Clue #3:

Sweetheart,

Don’t be mad, don’t be (too) sad.
You’ll get to see me soon, so it’s not all that bad.

Adventure awaits you on the morrow
With me, your friend, your bow, your… lover (?)

I’ll keep you guessing about the precise destination
But I’ll give you some hints about your preparations

The Adirondacks would be great, but buggy I’m afraid
Let’s go somewhere more civilized on this the first of May.

A jungle would be nice, or a Siberian plain, (haha)
But these are a bit far-fetched for a weekend’s simple aim

So, pack a bag for tomorrow, adventure doth await.
Think urban fun—not Africa—streetlamps when it gets late.

Enough for a few days, a couple nights.
Nothing complicated. Please, keep it light!

Don’t worry about a place to sleep. I’ve got that figured out.
Someplace we’ll both find interesting, no doubt!

Bulky baggage is more difficult to carry. If you think you’ve got the knack,
Maybe you could fit it all inside a medium backpack?
(but, don’t worry if you can’t)

Remember, sometimes streets seem forever to go on,
Bring footwear a mite less beautiful, but still practical and fun.

So, I think this concludes all the hints I have for you.
Of the coming day, you’ve been given a small preview.

Tomorrow will be an early date, I think it best we don’t be late!
Be ready for a knock on your door at quarter to eight!

Sleep well, best friend, dream deep.
Pack your stuff and seek that elusive sleep.

Saturday, May 1, 7:45 am. Becca arrives at Alissa’s house. Becca gives her an envelope (clue #4). Envelope apologizes that her handsome boyfriend can’t be there, but one of favorite mutual friends is! Yay! The envelope gives her instructions to go order a latte from the counter of her favorite Starbucks. Clue below:

Clue #4:

What? Who’s this?
It’s not Matt, it’s Becca!
A friend loyal, honest and supportive
Our inevitable pairing—perhaps she knew?

Good at hugging she might be,
But now, perhaps, hers are insufficient
To fill a hole of romantic affection
That feels (right now)…deficient!

So put your bag in Becca’s car
She’ll help you find your truer love.
Don’t forget your license, wallet, purse, or phone
You might need these yet for future roads.

Chaffer Becca, set your course
To the place of Lissa’s last work.
Order a Latte Tall (decafe will do!)
You’ll receive an envelope with another clue!

The coffee, its brewing
The next clue, its looming!
We’ve time enough to skip the Via,
But don’t get stuck barista mingling!

Saturday, May 1, 8:30 am. Alissa arrives at Starbucks. Hannah, Vanessa, Kate, or other barista at Starbucks gives her an envelope when she places her order for a Latte (clue #5).

Clue #5:

Barista Alissa,

I can think of three things that make my heart beat faster:
a) A triple shot mint mocha venti frap consumed in under 15 minutes.
b) A hug from you or gazing deeply into your brown eyes
c) The ends of earth, and God’s sovereign plan for those people groups.

> You can get a) now if you desire (but it wouldn’t be advisable).
> I’d like b) now, but I’m not sitting across from you next to the bonsai tree and I miss you.
> The physical gateway to item c), however, is pertinent. It is your next stop where you will receive your final clue.

So go—
go to that place where the earth meets skies,
where long trips are born, where people fly!
park the car and go inside,
pick an escalator and sit nearby.
your next emissary is not shy.
he will surely find you and say ‘hi’.

Saturday, May 1, 9:20 am. Alissa arrives at airport. Jeff is waiting for her, keeping an eye out for her. A little while after she sits down near the escalator he comes by and says hi. No idea how he will play this one off, but eventually he gives her an envelope (clue #6) with instructions on how to get her ticket.

Clue #6

My Dear Alissa,

Congratulations on making it to clue #6 in one piece. I expect that the future may contain many adventures, and much travel. Your final instructions are below:

1. Go to US Airways check-in computer
2. Retrieve a boarding pass for yourself using the Record Locator code BPJFQD. It is a direct flight to your destination.
3. Check your bag if you need to (if it is too big or if it has aerosol/liquids in it). (Money is for checking bag). Otherwise you can carry it on.
4. Wait for your flight.

I’m expecting you.

Love, Matt

US Airways record locator: BPJFQD
Orbitz record locator: AP800101BPJFQD8M
Airline ticket number(s): 03777552010912

Saturday, May 1, 11:21 am. Plane leaves.

[Open on the plane envelope]

Dear Alissa,

I am glad that you are now underway to join me in DC for a weekend getaway. I hope the small clue hunt over the last 17 hours has been fun and not too exhausting/stressing. Of course, you said at one point that you’d follow me anywhere, so perhaps I am just testing and teasing that theory a little bit. But I also wanted to have some time with just you, so this seemed like a good plan. An adventure for both of us, together. I appreciate your readiness to try new things and to be flexible and spontaneous.

Looking forward to seeing you soon.

Love, Matt

Saturday, May 1, 12:48 pm. Plane arrives in DC Reagan National. Matt is waiting at the gate as Alissa gets off the plane.

Saturday, May 1, afternoon.
>Use Metro to travel to the hostel 5 blocks E of the Capitol and drop our bags.
> Do some walking around the mall, visit some of the Smithsonians (Botanical garden, Art Museum), get lunch. (Also, try the paddle boats on the tidal pool).

At sunset, on the banks of the Potomac, I proposed, and she said YES!



(To view more photos of the weekend, click here.)

Special thanks to:
Kim (mutual friend from Campus Ambassador days at SUNY)
Breanna (Alissa’s cousin and friend),
Rebecca (mutual friend from SUNY and Cornerstone),
Hannah, Vanessa, Kate & Starbucks friends, (Alissa’s community from her last job)
Jeff (mutual friend from Cornerstone)

Thanks for your help in pulling this off. You guys are awesome.

Alissa Jodelle Detweiler, I LOVE YOU!!

Holy Spirit: fill, heal, change

Lord Jesus Christ, I want to put You first.
each day, in everything, in every way.
to choose your path first at every junction,
for this--a way of life, I yearn and pray.

a songwriter once wrote “prone to wander”
and Lord, I do feel this so strong.
I do not plan to run from You; but so often,
my heart just grows cold and I find myself alone

why does my heart become so underwhelmed
when everything around shouts and sings of your great love?
why do I become distracted in the course set for me?
certainly this is the epitome of shallowness--what stupidity!

You are the pearl of great price
your worth is certain above all sacrifice
only with every possession held in full surrender,
can I embrace this life of complete abandon.

help me, Holy One who lives within
change my heart, free me from all sin.
fill me up with your desire and give me that ability to follow
guide me in the truth by your own power

not in the likes of me does power such as this abide
only in your gift of love can it possibly materialize
I am empty, broken, willing
Holy Spirit, be my filler, healer, and desire.

Birthday reflections

Birthdays are, among other things, opportunities to reflect on where you have been and where you are going. For those of us who follow Jesus, it is an opportunity to give thanks to God for what He has brought us through and the blessings He has given us.

As I enter a new year of life, I give thanks afresh to God for his provision of two amazing parents—parents who have sacrificially poured their own lives out for their children. For a father who has modeled a life of striving toward God, depending on God, giving thanks in all things, and a willingness to continue to grow and change regardless of his stage in life. For a mother who has demonstrated persistence in her relationship with God, unending love and concern for her family, hospitality to friends and strangers; a woman who’s inner beauty is becoming deeper and clearer with each new year.

I give thanks to God for three sisters—not just sisters, but the best and closest of friends. Sisters who have challenged me through their life choices and willingness to make radical decisions to follow Jesus; sisters who have encouraged me with words of affirmation, who have affirmed God’s work in me, and have both accepted and shared wisdom at apropos times.

Praise God, too, for a wonderful family in Christ. Even this year, God has expanded this family to include so many new kindred spirits. Thanks to God for new brothers, fathers, uncles; new sisters and aunts. Thanks to him for friends that are brothers indeed; for helping me learn new things about how to live and serve others in a community of grace.

Most of all, I give thanks for what Jesus did that enables me to truly know my heavenly Father and experience His comfort, life, joy, peace, and purpose. Thank you Jesus for continuing to shine Your grace upon me; thank you for giving me what I don’t deserve: Life. Not just air to breathe, but the Holy Spirit—breath from heaven that fills me to overflowing and brings me glimpses of a Reality that is far more glorious than anything I could imagine.

Many other co-workers, teachers, and dear international friends could be mentioned. I look at my facebook profile and see an astounding 388 people—all people that I know in some way or another. Relationships—with God and with others—these are the greatest of God’s blessings. Thank you for the birthday wishes; thanks for all of you who have helped me realize today how blessed I really am. I am a rich man.